It’s definitely been a while since I’ve posted anything. I’ve just been totally unmotivated, and honestly in a bit of a funk. It’s always hard for me to recover from seeing my family since they all live so far. It’s one of those things you learn to not think about every day, but also one where the goodbyes never get easier. I think this funk contributed to a mini mom meltdown I had yesterday.
We took Lila to a trial gymnastics class for the first time. Since she’s walking, she is able to take gymnastics, but I wanted to do a trial first and am glad I did. I really have been struggling with feeling like I do enough for and with her. I haven’t had an easy time making mom friends in my area. Making new friends is already out of my comfort zone and since I am a younger mom it’s basically doubled. So I thought we would give gymnastics a try to get Lila out and to maybe make a friend for her.
So, we got to gymnastics and she was so adorable; she really does like getting out and seeing other kids. Once class started she was one of 4 kids in a parent/tot class. The other kids all looked more like 2 years old than her very new one. We tried some stretching a jumping and stomping, and she hated all of it. She hated not being able to do what she wanted. Since she doesn’t know what a jump or stomp is, it wasn’t what she wanted to do. We made it about 8 minutes before she escaped me and ran to the window where Wyatt was. She was finally thrilled to have escaped me and get a clean break. It honestly was pretty funny.(This was after Lila ran from me to find Wyatt in the window.)
We decided to leave and asked on our way out when to try again (they suggested a couple months). But when we got to the car I just started crying. I really wanted to give Lila an activity and I failed. I felt bad for taking her and showing her something just to take it away. I felt like I should have known she was too young. I felt like how am I supposed to help her make friends and play with someone other than me. Then I started to question myself as a parent. Should she know how to jump and stomp? Should she be better at focusing? Should she be a better listener? If so, then I am not doing a good enough job at all. My always supportive husband helped to calm me down and bring back some rational thought.
Now I’ve decided to turn it around and use it as something to work toward. We can practice jumping and stomping. We will try more activities that will help her focus her attention. And, she is only one. But it’s hard out there as a mom. It’s hard to know and feel you are doing enough and doing it right. It gets to all of us from time to time. I always try to find a positive in everything and I work toward applying that same mentality toward motherhood, but it’s not always easy. It’s easy to get caught in a funk. But I’m only working to be the best mom I can be to that little muffin baby.
What are some ways you move past feeling failure in motherhood? Also any tips in helping babies socialize or where to do so? Thanks so much for checking out my post!